Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
