my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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