why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
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