My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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