I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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