i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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