I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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