im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
