So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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