I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
