I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
