omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
