WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
