I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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