I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
