Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
