I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Drunk is not a location!
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
