I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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