so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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