The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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