A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
