It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
