I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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