Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize