I hope mine doesn't look like that
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
BRING THE BAGELS
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
