I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
