i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
this must be what syphilis tastes like
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
