He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
