this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
