I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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