Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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