we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize