pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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