With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
