can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
