Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
