love makes seman taste better
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
