Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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