video games are the ultimate cock blocker
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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