i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
