How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
