i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
