every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize