I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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