I've blown a few things in my day
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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