We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
It was a blind-side dick pic.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
