you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
