And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
