I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
