i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
