I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
i think im in europe. pls send help
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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