I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
