I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
