All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
