If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize