i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize