i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
