just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
