Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
