It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
