This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Someone came in the potted fern
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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