oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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