Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
