Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize