Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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