We're facebook friends in real life
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
