so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
