margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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