I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize