I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
