sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize