so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
