And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
