I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
