sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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