Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
