We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
