She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize