What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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