my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
