dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
