Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize