On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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