Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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