Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
