why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
