I smell stomach acid.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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