just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You ate ashes out of my bong
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
