i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
