Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
