you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
