you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
