remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
