I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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