Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
