1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
