oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
