True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
