I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
