you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
